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Sleep! You Got To Be Kidding Me

July 18, 2012

My wife just recently started her own blog, . She isn’t trying to interest anyone in books or anything else. She is just having fun. One of her first posts concerned sleep, or rather the lack of same.

Now wrap your head around this. The very night after she published her post, I awoke around 3:00 A.M. I’m a white headed older guy, so I have to pee right around that time. Actually once a night is good! Lot’s of guys my age are up twice a night or more. So, I leave our king size bed and silently go see the man about a horse. Yeah, I go pee. Then I return and stealthfully slide back into bed.

But, as is MY problem with sleep, my body is absolutely dragging, but my brain is up and running like there is a do or die deadline of some sort coming up soon, and I’d better have my act together, NOW!

What act? See that’s the point, my brain just fires up and gets busy thinking of everything and everybody! As a result, I toss and turn and play that game. I flop, left. I flop right. I lay on my face or my back. Why? I don’t really know. It damn sure won’t quiet the frontal lobe, that’s for sure.

So I get up quietly so as not to disturb my spouse and retreat to our spare bedroom as I so often do when I’m tossn’ and turnin’ all night. It’s pitch black in that room, and I don’t want light, so I reach down to pull back the cover. It moves! I shriek like I just touched a downed power line! It moans, and I am off my feet! Honestly I would have wet myself, if I had not already seen the horseman.

Suddenly I’m old beyond my years, mere seconds from a massive heart attack. Then, I get it. The spouse had been wrestling around in the sheets too. Although she had only moved to the spare room once before in a decade, she had made a second visit that very night.

On top of that, she had not even gone to sleep in our own bed. She was restless and moved out so as not to wake me. Of course I returned the favor and put my hand on her head, scaring the crap out of her too, soon after she had finally fallen into a deep, REM sleep. I guess we both climbed back into the arms of Morpheus around 5:00 A.M., if that!

  1. Since I shared this experience with you…I really enjoyed reading it and shared the laughter!

  2. Bob Woodward permalink

    You are not that old. Bob Woodward

  3. That FIGURES, doesn’t it? You’re lucky she didn’t SCREAM!

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